Addicted to Drama?

 

Over the last few weeks, I have asked myself this question a thousand times: Am I addicted to drama and pain?  In my thirty-two years, I have seen my fair share and in reality, have brought most of it upon myself.  Between alcohol and bad relationships, drama has become the norm.  So ask yourself this question:  Are you addicted to the drama?

 

Before I begin, I must state that this article is in no way minimizing the severity of alcohol addiction.  I realize that addiction takes on many forms and has many origins.  This article is meant to look at my battles and how I perceive my own personal struggles.  So let’s move on…

 

I first realized that I was addicted to the drama while my life was going relatively smoothly.  Calmness unnerved me and rattled me to the core.  What was going on?  I couldn’t deal with it as it felt foreign and unnatural.  I ran away.  I ran away from him and the life I had built.  I found more drama and settled in.  Pain and turmoil felt normal and familiar.  It’s what I knew.

 

I also realized that I habitually created drama within my life.  Stability made me nervous.  When things came too easy, I felt scared and anxious.  It just felt wrong.  Life isn’t supposed to be this way.  Where are the struggles; why was it so calm?  I felt bored.  I was lost so I created turmoil and problems so I could once again feel “safe.”  I found it hard to cope with normalcy. 

 

My coping mechanisms have also created drama within my life.  For years, I turned to alcohol for any and every reason.  If I was sad, I drank.  If I was happy, I drank.  When the sun came up, I drank.  My drinking caused huge amounts of drama and pain within my life and looking back, I think I liked it that way.  It was what I was used to; it was how I lived.  I was so used to alcohol creating problems for me that it was like a horrible friend that served some self defeating purpose I couldn’t live without.  It didn’t matter how bad the problems were, I always went back.    

 

So ask yourself this: are you addicted to drama?  Does your life seem oddly out of sorts when things are going well?  Do you seek out drama when life seems too good?  Do you look for ways to cope with a drama free existence that in turn creates the turmoil that you crave?   I know the idea of this sound ludicrous but in reality, you may be addicted drama and pain.  Take it from a girl who has lived it; there is a life good life without it.