The readings were read, the announcements shared and the basket was passed. The place was full to the brim with people. Few chairs were left empty.

The topic was the Third Step.

Okay, when the topic in any meeting is the Third Step we are going to stir controversy. In fact we expect it. Many are not shy about taking the opportunity to make jabs at religious folk. Others find it a good time to share their experience as it relates to their Higher Power.

On this particular day however two character assassins were lurking in our midst. Waiting, anticipating and preparing themselves for the right person and the right moment.

After two or three members spoke; the chair person called on a lady who happens to be a Christian. She has been in and out of the program several times but has stayed this time with obvious changes and longer sobriety.

She spoke of her goal to someday go into ministry or the mission field in the inner city. There was a organization that had peeked her interest and she was looking into it. She shared this because she wanted the newcomer to know that if you stay clean and sober you can accomplish many things. This was her vision, and perhaps her calling.

She also made it very clear that she was willing to do God’s will even if she was not to go into the inner city. She was grateful to be sober and alive. She had a desire to help others and be used by her Higher Power.

Another member shared and then another and still another. The third of which stepped way out of line. From across the room he pointed to the young lady that had shared earlier and told her that she couldn’t save the world and she had no business thinking she could make a difference. He told her that she needs to take care of herself only and leave others to God.

I watched as her head drop down to her chin. Her eyes were filled with tears and her face had turned an embarrassing pink. My heart immediately broke for her. I grabbed a napkin from one of the cup holders and wrote “Eat the meat and spit out the bones. Take what you need and leave the rest.” I folded the napkin in half, got up and discreetly handed her my note. I gave her a short pat on the shoulder and went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee.

At 12:45 the chair person called for a smoke break. The young lady who had been publicly ridiculed left and did not return. I have no idea if it was because she was hurt or if she had another appointment somewhere. But she wasn’t in the meeting when it was called back to order.

The next member to share said: “I really like the way anonymous told her what she should and shouldn’t do. He really gave her the business and did it well.

I know I can’t save anyone and I certainly am not becoming more God like. Sometimes people just need a reality check.”

I could feel my anger begin to rise right up through my throat. Who do these guys think they are belittle ling her that way? I said to myself.

The two of these self proclaimed program professionals had committed a travesty. The travesty of putting another member down, attempting to shame her all in the name of good will and the 12 Steps. Thank the good Lord there were no new-comers there that day.

Sometimes I get so frustrated with the excuses people make for the way they treat others in the program. “If I made them mad and they don’t come back it’s on them.” or “They’re way to sensitive and read things into what I say” and how about this one “They need to stop their complaining, shut up and sit down.”

I ask you where do we get off with that kind of pathetic behavior? Let me make it clear that I rarely hear this kind of talk from new-comers.

Who are we to step on another persons dreams and aspirations? It sounds like jealously to me. These kinds of characters are the ones that think the Big Book created God instead of the other way around.

So there I was with all the prime ingredients to build myself a huge resentment. But I went home from that meeting feeling more sad for that young lady than resentful towards those two immature knuckle-heads.

I believe there is no where in our recovery literature that suggest we talk down to people or publicly humiliate them. I believe we are to show patience, understanding and kindness. Many times a firm hand is needed from our sponsor but the last time I looked I hadn’t given any one else in the meetings permission to instruct me in how I live day to day clean and sober.

If you have dreams and goals be reasonable, listen to God and bounce these things off your sponsor, then follow your heart. It’s all we can ask of anyone. The Old-Timer and well as the New-Comer.

Now go and treat each other with respect.

Blessings and Progress to All.

~Montyman

MEDITORIAL

This week I will not judge, criticize or shame anyone. It matters not what my opinion is of them and what they believe.  I will ask my God to take the temptation to judge away.  I will do this every day for a week and then repeat, one week at a time.