It is a terrifying thing to have children using, misusing and/or abusing drugs and alcohol. We run the gamut of emotions and usually make a lot of mistakes. I can only try to tell you how I see it. I tell it from the bottom of my heart, as one who’s been there and learned a lot the tough way.

I had to see and understand deeply that my children were human beings, not brats out to destroy themselves and me. Then I had see that the God whom I knew, loved them as much as He loved me and that we all, as a family needed God’s help as well as our friends and neighbor’s help.

Love is the only tool we have to reach one another’s hearts in this world. If we are the kind of fools who confuse love with sex and/or lust we don’t understand love. That kind of attitude has pushed us away from one another for too many years now, and we need to learn about spiritual love; about caring for one another’s well-being, about lifting one another up instead of pushing one another down or away. Our Using population needs this kind of love and it is only someone with an axe to grind who would belittle this concept. I would guess folks who would nitpick about this kind of love has a fear of their own addictions and doesn't want to look in the mirror.

All of this, in my opinion, has to be cleared away before we confront our family member’s about their "Using".

Our children want to be stopped from their behavior. It scares them too. Our job is to find the particular key to connect with them again. But first of all we must know that we cannot be afraid of our children. It’s a hard thing to admit that we are so often afraid of our children. They come at us with accusations and threats and demands and we back down. For sure, one reason we back down is plain exhaustion. Who knew?

When he was sleeping in a crib with his thumb in his mouth, or she was asleep holding her doll, did any of us dream that our baby, our own child, would have the peer pressure, the temptation, the opportunity and the personality to use alcohol and drugs.

The first thing parents must do in a situation like this is know "we didn’t cause it, we can’t control it and we can’t cure it." No one can handle a situation like this with attitudes that are guilt ridden or blame based. It needs to be met head on with nothing going on in our heads, but how best to save the children. We find that accepting these healthy attitudes is the first step to helping our sons and daughters. In short, we have to clean up our emotional reactions to our fright and fear.

Secondly we need to see that we are not alone.

Thirdly, and this is tough sometimes. If we have become addicted or we are excessively drinking we need to look at ourselves. If we are drinking or using, we need to stop and get the stuff out of the house. Sure most of us are not abusing, but we still need to stop until our children are healthy again. It shouldn’t be a tough decision to make if you are committed to helping your child.

At that time we can take a look and see where we are at with our desire to drink and use. It is hard to give a party and not serve alcohol. If that is impossible for you to imagine, perhaps you can tell your friends what you have to do and only go to their parties for a year or two. If they are friends they’ll just laugh and tell you they think you’re very wise. Hold your head up high and be proud of what you are doing, and you will get a call when your group has their next party, I promise you.

As I continue to write I’ll be using the name God. If you are offended by my use of the name "God" please know that it is my personal name brought forth from my childhood and I use it because I am comfortable with it. If you are not comfortable with it please substitute your own personal name for your Higher Power. If you do not have a Higher Power then I suggest you find one you can believe in, because without one you are the only power in your life and that is a frightening situation. We have consequences to pay for anything we choose to do or not do, to believe or not believe and all I’ve found that made sense to me was a mighty belief in One who has ALL power and that One I call God.

I had a friend once who was the first person to ever tell my husband that he was a child of God and an inheritor of the Kingdom of Heaven. He clung to that belief until he breathed his last breath. The consequences in his life from that belief made him a sweeter person for it. I too am a child of God and an inheritor of the Kingdom of Heaven and where would I be without that belief?

I was told by my friend that I acted as if God loved me but not my children. She was telling me I had a judgmental attitude towards my "Using Kids" and that it was of no help to any of us. From what I learned from her and others I have known and loved, is that my children wanted to be sober and clean as badly as I wanted them to be. And that, since they were mine, it was my job, indeed my duty to guide them to a safe place where they could put away their addiction.

Knowledge, truth and love for one another can save us from the chaos of addiction. "It ain't easy but it can be done." It is hard to come to an understanding of addiction, then harder still to be blazingly honest with one another. With truth and honesty comes respectful caring for each other and together we will create an island of sanity in this insane world.