I think I’ve spent more time working on this one topic than I’ve spent on any topic. I have no idea why it’s been such a trip for me to do this. My best guess is this, I wanted to give it my all. I wanted to cover every nook, cranny and crevice of the topic and anyone that writes, knows that isn’t going to happen.

So I tossed the whole schmeer into the bucket and started over.
Accepting ourselves was the challenge and I’ll do my best to put into thought what I know. I for years kicked around the notion that my one cross to bear in life was “Low self-esteem.” I just didn’t like me. I didn’t like what I’d done to myself and I didn’t like the path I took while I was getting the job done.

I loved pointing out the mistakes I’d made in life and just how much I was below everyone else. I even said to others that I knew God was going to work for them but not me. “I’m doing okay, I’ll take the crumbs that are left over after the banquet. I like doggy bags.”

How dumb is that! I honestly believed that line of hooey and I was happy to push that hooey off as truth. Here’s some more misconceptions that I believed. That God loved you more than He loved me. That God would give you unlimited abundance and I’d take the crumbs, the leftovers the doggy bags. That God really did have step children and I was among them. Those thoughts are what filled my head and fed the notion that I suffered from “Low self-esteem.”

I had more silly notions but you can see where my morbid beliefs were going. I have no idea where those thoughts came from but I had them. I wanted to blame my parents, my friends, even my church growing up for the bogus beliefs I had. I finally tossed those away and took responsibility for my own thoughts. Sure some of those old ideas had validity but until I accepted my part I couldn’t start.

Finally with a starting point I could pound my stake in the ground and start walking away from the tentacles of dumb thoughts and start moving towards the rewards of a positive outlook. I don’t have a clear understanding today of how to build up an acceptance bank account, I just know I need one. I know that taking myself out to the woodshed isn’t productive, it‘s a giant step backwards each time I do it.

Please know that I’m not giving myself permission not to learn I just don’t like being in the woodshed beating myself up anymore. An old lady once said, “In the acceptance is the solution.” When I figured that out I understood that the sooner I moved onto acceptance than I could start walking again. Accepting myself was a big chunk of that key.

I’m to hyper to keep still, I’m plagued with ADD and not be moving is rough on me. I’ve learned well that if I accept something than I can start dealing with it. If I fight it, try to figure it out, or worse ignore it, I lose every time.

Ignoring problems has proved to be a terrible thing for me. I’ve seen some really small mistakes grow into the worse problems I can imagine. Right now today as I write this I have one of those problems sitting on my desk at work. Believe me when I write about ignoring a problem I know what I’m saying.

To quote Mr.Goodwrench, “You can pay me now or you pay me later, but know this, you will pay me.” God how true that statement is. I can accept me as I am now or I can drive myself a thousand more miles down the road, no one cares, I’m still stuck with me and acceptance.

Fighting acceptance only gives whatever I’m fighting more power. I’ve watched good men go down trying to fight problems that if they only had reached out they would have won. I’ve watched men lose their family’s because they wouldn’t talk. I’ve seen them lose children and their dignity because they fought battles alone, instead of reaching out.

Putting my brain to work on something that has no real meaning is a waste of time. I thought at the time it was valuable but in truth what it did was take away from my reaching out to others. I spent time judging myself against what I believed about you. I had others raised up high and my own self lowered to a point where I could never measure up. Looking back I see that but in the moment I was trapped and I was stuck.

None of that helped me accept anything all it did was take me down pathways that led nowhere. I loved people but the love I had was mucked up with my false beliefs.

I believe today that any pathway that takes me away from a loving God that loves me deeply is a waste of time. God has no grandchildren, step children, foster children we are all equal to Him. God loves us and wants nothing but the best for us. I know that the god I believed was a god I had built up in own mixed up brain. I had to toss that god out and see the God of love that came to me.

It’s that silly little thing called freedom that gets me and everyone I know in trouble. God gave me the freedom to walk and that freedom gets me in trouble. My chaotic brain waits for me to tired, hungry, angry or lonely and then it goes off. Through grace today I can stop, slow down and become better.

 
Accepting ourselves? I pray today that I accept myself with the love a parent has a child. I pray today I accept myself as much as my dog accepts me. If you have a pet you understand.